I asked John to put some thoughts together based on our conversation yesterday. I think he raises a great point. I hope you enjoy his perspective and that his comments impact your conversations.
----
If you’re a guy, you may not be aware of how much guys focus on what you do for a living as a way to classify and categorize you. And to break the ice at parties and other social situations.
How often have you heard some guy you just met ask, “So, what do you do?” or “Where do you work?” How often do women ask each other that when they first meet? Not very often.
My wife, Karen, pointed this out to me years ago. I never was really aware of this until she mentioned it. Now I pick up on it right away when I’m talking with a guy I just met. I know that within the first minute or so, he’s likely to ask what I do for a living. (I do writing and web publishing for a certain large software company.)
It was never this way in college, of course. There it was usually “So, what’s your major?” But once you’re a few years out of college and a solid member of the workforce, you started getting tagged by whatever job you happen to spend 40 or so hours a week doing.
Why are guys obsessed with what other guys do for a living? I think it has something to do with how we’re taught by American society that what really matters to men is their work (and how much money they make). You are your career.
I confess I’m guilty of asking other guys what they do for a living, too. It’s such an obvious and easy question. But it’s not very deep, and it doesn’t usually tell me anything about what kind of person they are, or about their unique personal qualities.
Most guys eventually get around to asking each other about their hobbies and families, but only after they get the career question out of the way. Women, on the other hand, almost always ask each other first if they have any kids or are married. Then they may launch into a big discussion about kids, husbands, boyfriends, or girlfriends. They may never get around to asking each other if they work, much less about their job.
The next time a guy I just met asks me what I do, I may just talk about the time I spend with my kids, my wife, and my interests in running, photography and other hobbies. I’ll avoid saying anything about my job. This would probably drive most guys crazy (and make them suspicious). They wouldn’t know what category to put me in.
If you’re someone who identifies closely with your chosen career ( a pastor, perhaps), you may not care about this. You may even want guys to ask what you do when they first meet you. But if you believe your job is mainly just how you earn a living, and not who you are, then try steering these discussions in a new, more meaningful direction. The most interesting things I’ve learned about my friends rarely have much to do with their job.
2 comments:
Interesting post, drew me to my bookshelf to find my well-worn copy of It Was on Fire When I Lay Down On It" by Robert Fulghum.
excerpts from the chapter which begins on page 63
"Making a living and making a life that's worthwhile are not the same thing... A job title doesn't even come close to answering the question "What do you do?"..."
"But suppose that instead of answering that question with what we do to get money, we replied with what we do that gives us real pleasure or makes us feel useful to the human enterprise?"...
"I and you- we are infinite, rich, large, contradictory, living, breathing miracles- free human beings, children of God... That's what we do."
I love the quote you included - "Making a living and making a life that worthwhile are not the same thing..."
Post a Comment