Open Windows

I have been thinking a lot lately about good conversations.

We all have fascinating stories. Many of our experiences seem so normal to us, until someone digs for more detail, pops out a tiny tear or lets out a huge belly laugh when we recount one these "normal" experiences.

I mentioned last week that I want to put a couple good questions in my tool box in order to unlock some of the depth in the conversations I have with people. As I was thinking this over and mulling some potential questions I started to review some very good conversations I have had in recent years. I came to a bit of a realization. People usually open a window during the conversation. The beauty comes when we see these "open windows" as an opportunity to get to know a person on a deeper level. I am convinced that all people desire to be known on a deep level. By someone. Maybe not everyone. But I believe that most people want to share more of themselves than the surface stuff of which the majority of our relationships consist.


Not too long ago I met with a guy over coffee. He opened a window and I didn't notice. It was small. Later as I was reflecting on the conversation I realized he was trying to open up to me that he was dissatisfied with life as it is and that he was wrestling with his marriage and where he fits in the world. These are huge life issues. The window was small but it was cracked open so that I could see in. There was a sincere desire to share pain. To not be alone.

A while ago I was meeting with a young man. He opened a window. Wide open. There was a lot of pain and regret in there.

Others share their story freely. The window can be mislabeled as pride or confidence, when in reality it is a window into insecurity and a sense of no real deep connection or acceptance by others. Many times this is a window that was meant to be closed with the blinds drawn, but somehow in the course of conversation it was left open.

Some windows just open up into the hilarious and fun. Watch for these and ask good question. Laugh with people.

People open up windows all the time. I think that there may be an art to unlocking story. Have the right, SINCERE, question and know what an open window looks like.